I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
