my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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