I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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