Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
