Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So vagazzling was a success
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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