the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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