...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
