he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
