I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
