Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
