if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
