i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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