i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
