I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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