I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
