I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
