Too much gin, very little bucket
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
