So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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