things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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