i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
