he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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