she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
