she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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