Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
