i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
