I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
