Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
