Barsexuality is the new black.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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