She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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