the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
