Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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