we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
