i think my tv is drunk
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
