...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
