It's Friday. Sex?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
