everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
