Pappa wants mamma naked
I want to have your abortion
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
