He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
