As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
