you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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