Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We need to get me chipped asap
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
