He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
