my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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