He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
