so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
