Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
