? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
