so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize