He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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