we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
